So Much News, So Little Time: Trump Scandal Lightning Round | The Daily Show

Posted By on October 19, 2019

If you were keeping up
with the news today, you probably know that it was,
uh, more chaotic than Free Cocaine Day
at Dave & Buster’s. And, personally,
I’m disappointed, because we had
a whole show planned, and it was gonna be
a great show. You know? We figured out
who killed Jeffrey Epstein, but we had
to throw it all out the window because there was so much
breaking news, too much news, in fact. Luckily, though, too much news
is just the right amount of news for a segment we call
Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That. -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) If you’re friends
with a government ethics expert and you’re wondering why
their head randomly exploded into little pieces today, it’s probably because
they saw this. President Trump is hosting
a major meeting of world leaders next year at his Miami area
resort and golf property. Next year’s G7 summit
will take place at the Trump National Doral
in Miami. The move is raising questions
about whether hosting this large event at one
of the president’s businesses is a violation of ethics rules. Wow. That is crazy. The president is making
world leaders hold a giant event at his own resort? Like, it really seems
like there’s nothing Trump wouldn’t do
to profit off the presidency. Like, I bet you
he’s gonna be outside his own impeachment trial,
just scalping tickets. He’s gonna be standing outside
there. He’s like, “Tickets, tickets. “Who needs tickets
to my impeachment? “You want some tickets?
Best seats in the house. Come on, y’all.
Right next to me.” And also,
if I was a world leader, I wouldn’t want
to stay at Trump’s resort. I don’t trust him.
I don’t trust him. Like, Trump would probably sneak
into your room to try and find dirt
on Joe Biden. Yeah. He’d just be, like, at the door,
like, “Housekeeping! “Oh, did someone leave
these files on the floor? I’ll get rid of it for you!
Basura. Basura.” (laughter) Now, on a normal day
in a normal presidency, we would spend all our time
talking about how shady it is that Trump is forcing world
leaders to host the G-7 Summit at his golf club
that he makes money from, especially considering
how he always brags about how he doesn’t profit
from the presidency. But today’s not a normal day, and this is not
a normal presidency, because while
he’s inviting foreign leaders to his Miami golf club, American leaders are
storming out of the White House. MAN:
Shortly after a House vote where more than 100 Republicans
joined Democrats condemning the president’s abrupt withdrawal
of U.S. troops from Syria, a heated confrontation
inside the White House. That clash between President
Trump and top Democrats spilling out onto the steps
of the West Wing. I pray for the president
all the time. I think now
we have to pray for his health, because this was
a very serious meltdown on the part of the president. MAN: President Trump hitting
back, accusing Democrats of storming out,
using the same language as Pelosi against her,
tweeting, “She had a total meltdown
in the White House today. “It was very sad to watch.
Pray for her. She is a very sick person.” -(audience groans)
-Aah. Okay. I know you are,
but what am I? (laughter) I like how
when Trump is insulted, he just steals that insult
verbatim with zero shame. Like, maybe
this is how you trick him into getting out
of the White House. You just be like,
“I’m sick of you! I resign.” “No, I’m sick of you. I resign. Aah! Damn it. No.
Wait, wait, wait.” (applause and cheering) Also… also, it’s funny
how they’re fighting, but they both say they’re gonna
pray for each other. You know what they remind me of? They remind me
of those old church ladies who act really nice in public, but then,
pray-insult each other. They’ll be like, “Dear Lord,
please give me the strength “not to whack this fool
up side the head. “And if I did, Jesus, please
give this woman some sense before I whip her ass
like the father she never had!” (laughter) Now when the day started,
it seemed like we were gonna spend all our time
talking about the beef between Trump and the Democrats,
but we didn’t have time to talk about the beef, because then news broke
about the Turkey. MAN:
Breaking news in Turkey. The United States says
it has helped to broker a five-day cease-fire involving Turkish forces
in Northern Syria. Vice President Mike Pence
making that announcement today after meeting with Turkish
president Recep Erdogan. MAN 2: Today in Texas, President
Trump called the cease-fire, “an amazing outcome.” The Kurds are very happy,
Turkey is very happy, the United States is very happy. And you know what? Civilization is very happy. It’s a great thing
for civilization. Yes, civilization is very happy. Centuries from now,
historians will look back at the greatest achievements
of all time– the development of democracy,
the invention of electricity and the time Trump negotiated
a really short cease-fire in a war
that he basically started. Ah, yes,
what a great achievement! (applause and cheering) It’s civilization. And you know what?
If we had the time, we would be discussing
how disingenuous it is of Trump to claim
that this is a peace deal when, in fact,
the Kurds just got screwed over, because the deal is
that they have five days to leave the land,
and then Turkey gets the land. That’s the deal. Yeah.
Doesn’t sound like a deal. Sounds like the kind of deal
I had with my high school bully. I would give him my lunch money, and he would give me
a black eye. Win, win. Yeah. But unfortunately, we don’t have
the time to talk about that. Because while Turkey is getting
the Kurds out of Syria, the Democrats are trying to get
Trump out of the White House. And today, the latest witness
in the impeachment inquiry was dropping bombs like
he was invading the Middle East. In the impeachment inquiry,
Gordon Sondland is a key witness. In his opening statement,
he said President Trump told
U.S. officials to talk directly to his personal lawyer
Rudy Giuliani about U.S. policy in Ukraine. And he said
he didn’t know until later that Giuliani’s agenda included pushing Ukraine
to investigate Joe Biden. And he says
that throughout this time, he was working
to-to get Ukraine to advance an investigation
into corruption, into Burisma. He had no idea
that that meant Joe Biden. He had no idea
that that meant Hunter Biden. (laughing):
Oh. Oh, this is slick from Sondland. He’s now saying that he did
put pressure on Ukraine, but he didn’t know it had
anything to do with Joe Biden. You see what he’s doing. He’s trying to distance himself
from what Trump did. Yeah, he’s basically like, “I didn’t know
it was a bank robbery, guys. “I just went in with my friends,
I gave the bank teller a note, and they gave me the money.” It’s like, “Really? You didn’t
know it was a robbery? Then why were you wearing
a mask?” “I just thought
we were all cold! I thought we were all cold!” I honestly wish we had more time to go through Ambassador
Sondland’s full testimony, because he had a lot to say. But Mick Mulvaney,
Trump’s chief of staff, and Excel spreadsheet
came to life– he came out, and he held
a surprise press conference, and shocked everyone
in the room. We’re following breaking news. A truly stunning admission
from the White House. Acting chief of staff
Mick Mulvaney directly contradicting
President Trump on a quid pro quo with Ukraine, saying hundreds of millions
of dollars in U.S. military aid was tied to an investigation of Democrats
in the 2016 election. MAN: So the demand for an
investigation into the Democrats -was part of the reason that
he ordered… -It was on the… …to withhold funding
to Ukraine? The-the look back
to what happened in 2016 certainly was-was part
of the thing that he was worried about
in corruption with that nation. -And that is absolutely
appropriate. -Withholding the… MAN: What you just described
is a quid pro quo. We do that all the time
with foreign policy. And I have news for everybody.
Get over it. There’s going to be political
influence in foreign policy. Okay, hold up. Hold up. Trump has said
on multiple occasions, “No quid pro quo of any kind.” Now, middle-aged Harry Potter
is coming out saying that there was a certain type
of quid pro quo, but everyone must get over it? That’s it? Just get over it?
Everybody does it? So this is, what–
locker room corruption? Is that what this is? And I’m not gonna lie. This is
a twist I didn’t see coming. Yeah. It’s like the murder
suspect in a Law & Order episode confessing
in the middle of the… just, like,
in the middle of the scene. Just being like, “Yeah,
I committed the double homicide, “but the real question here is, “are you gonna be a little bitch
about it? Huh? “The person is dead.
Ain’t nothing gonna change. Now we gonna eat them or not?
What are we doing?” (applause) So in 24 hours, in 24 hours, we had Trump hosting the G-7
at his golf club, Turkey getting the greatest deal
of all time, no quid pro quo,
but also quid pro quo, a showdown in the White House, and we but didn’t even have time
to tell you that Rick Perry, who is tied
to the whole Ukraine scandal, abruptly resigned today.
And you know what? This might be the true genius
of Donald Trump. ‘Cause you realize
with one scandal, you get kicked out of office. But with seven in one day… ain’t nobody got time for that.

Posted by Lewis Heart

This article has 100 comments

  1. He was going broke that’s why he went into the easiest way to get rich quick. Politics. One of the worst humans in human history.


  3. Northern Syria, known as Rojava, is not going to become part of Turkey, it is meant to welcome Syrian refugees who have lived in Turkey for years now.

  4. 🕵️‍♂️💩 🤴🦇Lard Donald Trump is going for broke now! He figures, what the hell? I'm getting shit-canned soon anyway as Pres. with the House of Reps.🍑ment. So now, Don's openly hawks G7 summit meeting tickets for a few extra bucks at a bowery Miami lodge where he contractually rents out his name to the owners for marketing flash. Trump only gets a wee flat kickback for rooms booked after PAYING a monthly carny fee. And that marketing failure has been the💩- off over 70% since taking his 1st real job as the POTUS Bone-Spurs-in-Chief. Don sure gets around as a fat 🍊guy bellowing non-stop gibberish at 72 & 289 pounds! A loser.

  5. Yes, there's constant quid pro quo in international negotiations. BUT! There's a big difference between negotiating an international deal that benefits nations, and negotiating an international deal that helps one person.

  6. The more Trump speaks, the more I'm in favor of assassins. We lost JFK but this clown gets to stick around? Most politicians have actual respect for the other side, Trump simply loathes them like a national enemy. He is the biggest cause of embarrassment globally this nation has ever seen, but sadly that doesn't affect his base, most of which have never left the US, and can't see the irony of them saying the US is best country in the world.

  7. It’s funny how you say that trump started the war, no Obama did when he sent military aid to Iran. Trump is a great president

  8. I hope the Turkish people removes their leaders, and put them in jail for the rest of their life, because if they don't the entire west will sanction them until they no longer have an economy. Though it might take until trump is removed from office for that to happen, it is still going to happen

  9. Maybe Melania's speech writer took over Trump's twitter account. If it's good enough for Nancy, it's good enough for a Trump to repeat.

  10. mulvaney is right. US has had quid pro quo for decades. Like every other nation. But it is covert and never based on personal (rather national) interests. Quid pro quo is basically just a business transaction. In this case it is a corrupt transaction. Of course doing business – quid pro quo in itself – isn't the problem…

  11. Trevor, ain't nobody got time for fake bullshit. The Clintons were killers who are now being hunted themselves, and Epstein and Bill are not going away. WE THE PEOPLE will not stand for it. This game is over. Generalize your comedy or go down with the Biden puppet show. Bernie Sanders didn't deserve a heart attack and their kill list just added themselves in an internecine enclave. Game over. Tell Oprah to save her money and spend it on education in inner City schools instead of Colbert's pockets. DNC stand down. Trump 2020 is inevitable.

  12. I was married to a clinical narcissist. This is a definite sign. Turning the same or worse insult and mixing in religious superiority in it. As if his position is morally superior. Seriously, he’s text book CNPD. It should be deeply concerning to everyone is a position to do something about it.

  13. Trump is a real New York City boy hustler he is about that life. You gotta respect how he fooled the entire country specially midwestern morons and played the system. I’m sorry but Trump is a fucking baller if he doesn’t end up in prison. Must be nice to be white.

  14. Good luck for the next president whom will have to fix all this fart bag "genies plans" and "make China great again".
    Damit. I ment "make murica great again".
    Ehhh. Close enough

  15. Trump's "Dumpster Fire" strategy of starting another ridiculous scandal before the other can take hold is honestly one of the only intelligent things that he does, and it's completely unintentional, so he can't even claim credit for that.

  16. Sorry but why do you all want us involved in a country's war that has nothing to do with us? Didnt the democrats all push to pull troops out of iraq and iran and now they are against pulling troops our of Syria and everyone's pissed

  17. Trevor Noah you faggot wannabe blackman…
    No expose over Obama Clinton frauds with Russia…
    Uranium scandal..
    Potus Obama ignored WW2 remembrance ceremonies 3 times… disgusting snub to vets
    Now whining over 50 USA troops in Syria
    Dems the biggest warmongers since Vietnam..Kissinger devil..johnson

  18. lol too bad you are so focused on imaginary impeachment reasons and not enough on fixing your country there democrats. liberalism is a cancer. and daily show is a carcinogen

  19. Figures. A war killing innocents and profiting warmongers is what unites GOP and Dems. I guess lobbyists and Corporations do rule politicians because it's hell not compassion.

  20. sure, I learn more information from your great channel, In my country, we learn just the regime want to learn us as they want according to their point of view. but I learn all data from your channel without any external pressure for point for view. I learn real news, fact break news and right data. thanks for you, thanks for the effort.

  21. agent orange is really in the last days of a presidency, where the shit is done! RICO will put him in with mike cohen who has been training to kick trumpido retarded rapist racist lying mofo ass, for years old man will drink piss! agent orange money is no good, why u think he's selling his soul to the demons murdering dictators! ain't no joke when a fool is broke & he has been broke & stealing for decades

  22. Clinton-blowjob= hate and had to resign
    Obama-affordable healthcare= hate and push back every step
    Jfk-generally trying to help the country= headshot
    Trump-openly admits to treasonous acts and allie abandonment=meh whats the worst that can happen

    Id say America needs the Purge, but we'd lose more smart people than morons

  23. Just jail trump and everyone in his orbit while you sort out all his crimes. After all, you don't wait for a school shooter to run out of bullets before you take him down, right ?

  24. Dems warmongers crying over 50 USA troops in that area of Syria.
    Dems have always been loyal to Devil Zionist Kissinger evil NWO agenda

  25. Did he talk about the General Mattis speech in the show? Did that get lost in all the other stuff? It was quite a thing, people should see it

  26. I have a friend that use to work at Miami Trump resort about three years ago and he quit because that place was almost empty, very slow business so I believe that Trump want to use this opportunity to advertise his business.

  27. After retirement from WH, while in jail, Trump will write his memoir where he will write, he prevented the world from WW3 from little rocket man, prevented oil crisis by helping prince Mohammad bin Salman, bring peace to the world by defeating IS and Taliban, ended trade war with China, Canada, Mexico, European Union, ended illegal immigration into USA by building his wall. Made USA schools more safe by distributing gun to the teachers. He deserved Nobel peace prize.

  28. Have we not learned that when they (Trump & Pelosi) are in the same room cameras have to be there. Smh … so we can WATCH THE MELTDOWNS and Schumer just talk to the camera and make us politically laugh like the dad from "American Pie",

  29. That chief of staff is BASICALLY saying the Whitehouse is bleeding crime from every major artery but you know what get over it! I thought John Kelly had balls but this poindexter type Mulvaney he at least takes the proverbial tea and dumps it on our heads. What I wouldn't give to be his trash can. I wonder how many things marked confidential have just made it in the garbage and not the shredder?

  30. You make my day with your funny self in explaining news about what is going on with red hair man. You help me understand all.

  31. Gotta love how Donald 'the great deal-maker' Trump gets rolled in every negotiating he's part of. What an absolute dunce. 🤣👏

  32. Hi Trevor, are you following the news of el chapo’s son in Culiacán Mexico.. 200+ special forces just arrived after last days gun battles against the Sinaloa cartel

  33. 1 more thing,, government forces are the bad ones.. some cartels are also bad.. but some some cartels are the good characters… government oppresses the population in cases even massacres- examples the massacre of Tlatelolco to the more recent massacre in Michoacán

  34. It's just like trump to create a problem and then claim that he solved the problem. This would have never happened if the idiot hadn't pulled the troops out.

  35. This isn't news this is leftist propaganda which is all lies give it up Americas on to your Anonymous sources that don't exist


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