President Trump Prays For His Haters At National Prayer Breakfast

Posted By on November 17, 2019


THANK YOU VERY MUCH! WELCOME TO THE “LATE SHOW.” THANK YOU SO MUCH! THAT’S A THURSDAY CROWD. THAT’S ELECTRIC! THOSE ARE PEOPLE ALIVE ON THIS
PLANET RIGHT NOW. WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,”
FOLKS. I’M STEPHEN COLBERT. HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY! HOW’S EVERYBODY DOING ON
GROUNDHOG DAY! I DON’T KNOW IF YOU SAW THE
LATE-BREAKING NEWS, BUT TODAY, AMERICA’S FOREMOST
PSYCHIC RODENT, PUNXATAWNY PHIL CAME OUT OF HIS HOLE AND INDEED
SAW HIS SHADOW. SO THE BAD NEWS IS SIX MORE
WEEKS OF WINTER. THE GOOD NEWS — WE HAVE SIX
MORE WEEKS! ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, DONALD TRUMP STARTED HIS DAY AT THE NATIONAL PRAYER
BREAKFAST. I’VE ALWAYS SAID THE PRAYER
BREAKFAST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PRAYER MEAL OF THE DAY. TRUMP TOOK A MOMENT TO SHOW A
TENDER SIDE.>>WHAT I HEAR MOST OFTEN AS I
TRAVEL AROUND THE COUNTRY ARE FIVE WORDS…>>STEPHEN: PLEASE. DON’T. GRAB. MY. (BLEEP)
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IS THAT FIVE? I KID ABOUT THIS, BUT
AS A CHRISTIAN MYSELF, I KNOW THAT THE NATIONAL PRAYER
BREAKFAST HAS BEEN, SINCE EISENHOWER, A SOLEMN OCCASION
AND AN OPPORTUNITY FOR PRESIDENTS TO BRING PEOPLE OF
ALL FAITHS TOGETHER AND SHARE WHAT IS MOST SACRED TO THEM.>>BUT WE HAD TREMENDOUS SUCCESS
ON “THE APPRENTICE.” AND WHEN I RAN FOR PRESIDENT, I
HAD TO LEAVE THE SHOW. THAT’S WHEN I KNEW FOR SURE I
WAS DOING IT.>>STEPHEN: YEAH, THAT’S WHEN
PRESIDENTS KNOW FOR SURE. JUST LIKE WHEN PRESIDENT WINK
MARTINDALE HAD TO LEAVE “WIN, LOSE, OR DRAW.” HE JUST KNEW, THAT’S WHEN IT
BECAME SERIOUS. OF COURSE, THE REST IS HISTORY.>>AND THEY HIRED A BIG, BIG
MOVIE STAR, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, TO TAKE MY
PLACE. AND WE KNOW HOW THAT TURNED OUT. THE RATINGS WENT RIGHT DOWN THE
TUBES. IT’S BEEN A TOTAL DISASTER. AND I WANT TO JUST PRAY FOR
ARNOLD, IF WE CAN, FOR THOSE RATINGS. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>>Stephen: YOU HEARD HIM CORRECTLY. YOUR EARS DO NOT DECEIVE YOU. THE PRESIDENT USED THE NATIONAL
PRAYER BREAKFAST TO INSULT ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. AND TOMORROW, HE’S GOING TO
ROAST ROSIE O’DONNELL AT THE TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER. ( LAUGHTER )
IN LESS THAN AN HOUR, GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER HAD A
RESPONSE.>>HEY DONALD, I HAVE A GREAT
IDEA. WHY DON’T WE SWITCH JOBS? YOU TAKE OVER TV BECAUSE YOU’RE
SUCH AN EXPERT IN RATINGS, AND I TAKE OVER YOUR JOB, AND THEN
PEOPLE CAN FINALLY SLEEP COMFORTABLY AGAIN. HMM? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: OW! OH! OH! DAMN, IS THIS THE WAR OF 1812? BECAUSE THE WHITE HOUSE JUST GOT
BURNT! ( LAUGHTER )
AND ARNOLD ISN’T THE ONLY WORLD LEADER TRUMP IS FEUDING WITH. ON SATURDAY, OUR PRESIDENT SPOKE
WITH AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER AND FRIENDLIEST GUY IN THE
SAUNA, MALCOLM TURNBULL AND LASHED OUT AT TURNBULL ON THE
PHONE CALL. PLEASE DON’T PICK A FIGHT WITH
AUSTRALIA! THEY’LL CUT OFF OUR SUPPLY OUR
UGGS, KOALA JERKY AND HUGH JACKMAN. TRUMP WAS UPSET ABOUT A PREVIOUS
AGREEMENT FOR THE U.S. TO ACCEPT OVER A THOUSAND REFUGEES BEING
HELD IN AUSTRALIA, TWEETING, “DO YOU BELIEVE IT? THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION AGREED
TO TAKE THOUSANDS OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS FROM AUSTRALIA. WHY? I WILL STUDY THIS DUMB DEAL!”
WHAT? DON’T YOU KNOW HUMANITARIAN AID
IS NOT A DEAL? OKAY? UNICEF DOESN’T GO TO REFUGEE
CAMPS AND SAY, “ALL RIGHT, I’LL TRADE YOU THIS BAG OF RICE FOR
YOUR JUICE BOX AND A CAPTAIN AMERICA PENCIL.”

Posted by Lewis Heart

This article has 100 comments

  1. Except that Wink Martindale never did host Win, Lose or Draw!
    Vicki Lawrence, Bert Convy, Robb Weller, Marc Price and Justin Willman did at various points but hey, Stephen, thanks for the #alternativefact, I'm sure Wink appreciates it. (1:54 mark)

    Reply
  2. funny how americans think that europeans are dying from isis attacks but we just chillin in peace and seeing america get destroyed by their own president

    Reply
  3. I, for one, would welcome President Schwarzenegger. It would take us that much closer to the future of Demolition man. Next stop, franchise wars. I'm with Taco Bell!

    Reply
  4. What kind of f*cked up world do we live in where a man who is most famous for playing a cyborg killing machine says people would be more comfortable with running the country than the actual president… AND HE'S RIGHT!!!!

    Reply
  5. Stephen Colbert is NOT a good talk show host and I doubt if the network will keep him on the air. Compared to Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel (his counterparts) he is most definitely the weakest one.
    Another thing I have noticed is his obsession for and hatred of President Donald Trump who Stephen mentions over and over again every night he is on also is becoming annoying. Stephen Colbert needs to work on his stand up routine for it is pathetically weak.
    Give us David Letterman back …. please!!!

    Reply
  6. I wonder if Trump even KNOWS that Brian Klippenstein supports Puppy Mills?? I guess when you elect a President that doesn't like dogs…

    Reply
  7. Colbert is dropping to the vulgarity of this administration. Stay high, don't be vulgar, and rise higher when trumps go low.

    Reply
  8. Trump must have one of the lowest "compassion" rating of anybody, anywhere,at anytime. Everything is only ever about him.

    Reply
  9. The TV drones are chirpy birpy. Try to get this concept into your fking adopt the world heads one day….SUSTAINABILITY! Get the fk off of television. KUMBAYA is not reality. Adopting 30 million illegal mexicans soon to be 100 million sure the fk isn't. Now go back to holding hands.

    Reply
  10. I am from CA and did not vote for Schwarzenegger. We basically disagree on almost everything and even still, I really would sleep more comfortably if he were president. I never thought I'd see the day I missed Bush and would rather have Schwarzenegger in the White House.

    Reply
  11. Colbert you are a mocker and a scorner as Jesus Christ said would be in the last days. Praying for your enemies is exactly what Jesus Christ said to do.

    Reply
  12. This is what happens when a sociopathic narcissist is voted in for president. You knew what he was before you voted for him. America, what have you done? sigh..

    Reply
  13. Always amazed that on one side of the great religious divide we have the Republican Evangelistic cult, where worshippers turn up in their best cars and clothes. On the other side of the divide, the Baptists, well shit, they just turn up with faith. Guess who's side Trump is on?

    Reply
  14. It's bad enough that we have this event – "the national prayer breakfast". Then they have clowns like Trump or Billy Graham's son speak. As if they have some wisdom pass on to the rest of us.
    If you need to believe in some sort of boogeyman, keep it to yourself. Embarrassing.

    Reply
  15. colbert a hapless-useless-unfunny piece of shit. a true hatemonger who is bitter-worthless and a true liberal "drone" # tsk tsk

    Reply
  16. How is this STUPID guy still on TV? He talked the BIGGEST smack about Trump,BUT>>> THen got humiliated,and had a meltdown when TRUMP won! hahahaha .Still The Idiot flaps his lips Hey Colbert>>>>>>"Youre FIRED"!

    Reply
  17. Personally, I think President Donald J. Trump is… just average. Not the best, but not the worst this country has ever had… to date. As someone who did not vote for either him or Hillary last November, and as someone who chose to be impartial during his first 100 days in office, I have a lot of respect for all opinions and jokes on the him from the left and right, including Stephen Colbert. And to all you right wingers who are so easily offended by his words, when you get down to it, that's really all that they are. Words, and nothing further. And Trump is a public figure, a great big target for parody and satire. Get over it!

    Reply
  18. I was looking for "stephen colbert tells his audience trump fired comey", but find this instead at the top of the list for "close to it". After Colbert's embarrassment at the reaction to his news I see why this was not found.

    Reply
  19. ignorance at its best! good thing I never saw this show… or stay on it for one second before turning to other show.

    Reply
  20. Send those muslims posing as "refugees" to a wealthy muslim country like Kuwait or Dubai. Obama already put America in the poor house by Stealing OUR money & Smuggling in his muslim brotherhood Trojan Horse!!! We Don't Want them!!!

    Reply
  21. I hear 5 words to " Russia never helped fake news" but as we all know Trump doesn't have a good track record for telling the truth ask his wives for any info

    Reply
  22. STEPHEN COLBERT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A IDIOT NEW WORLD ORDER GLOBALIST SHILL. START WATCHING ALEX JONES FOR THE TRUTH REPORTING IN AMERICA. NOT, THIS STUPID IDIOT WHO HASN'T GOT A CLUE!!

    Reply
  23. WE THE PEOPLE ARE FINALLY SLEEPING COMFORTABLY AGAIN THANKS TO WHO WE ELECTED AS OUR PRESIDENT. DONALD TRUMP IS THE GREATEST ONE IN HISTORY! EVERYONE WILL REALLY SEE A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN THEIR CHECKS IN FEBRUARY. THE TAX CUTS BILL PASSED. DESPITE DEMOCRATS WHO WANTED THEM RAISED! GOD HELP.

    Reply
  24. This guy is a total jackass how in the fuck did this guy get a TV show. I can't stand this douche. TRUMP for a second term!!!!¡!!

    Reply
  25. You are one of the many foul mouthed despicable people that is out there trying to trash our country. I find nothing funny or interesting about you. You are a piece of trash!!!!

    Reply
  26. You witness this man selling his soul to be popular. Reminds me of high school kids doing anything it takes to be a part of the popular gang. Some people just never mature, become wise and grow into adults.

    Reply
  27. This is a new history in America. no American precedent dares to declare his faith in the White House

    God bless you, Mr. President

    And hopefully the person who cornered you immediately repented. Especially the obama and democrat camps

    Reply
  28. Soooo, You jerks can talk gutter smack, but he can't even talk non -foul smack? Hypocrites. If Colbert says he's a "Christian," Maybe there's a place for Stalin, eh? I have a term for these kind of people who live lives pleasing to Lucifer but claim the "Christian card": it's "Fake Christian."

    Reply
  29. National Satanic Prayer Day

    Trump says pray to Satan now before it becomes mandatory.

    Things to remember to get credit with the Devil for doing evil. A lot of people do evil without praising Satan while doing it.

    Mindfulness!

    U will never get any credit with Satan simply by doing evil, U have to praise Satan while doing it, and you also have to tell Satan what you want out of it.

    You have to be specific and give details. 'Jest' as if you were in a new auto show room and were describing your dream car to the sales associate. Telling Satan what you want will also get you thinking more about Satan… and that's a good thing.

    Remember, Satan loves U. He wants your soul… 'jest' like God.

    For example:

    Most alcoholics & drug addicts never start out drinking or drugging by praising Satan (a Higher Power) and asking Satan's help to do all the sinning that accompanies intoxication without suffering any of the negative consequences. It's a form of harm reduction.

    Reply
  30. why are you so crude …no christian would talk like that!!! on national tv!! you as you said as a christian should be praying for your president…i just lost all respect for you stephen…and i thought you were intellignt enough to see what is going on in the world…..you should be praying for yourself and your country….all negativity does not help your country Stephen!!

    Reply
  31. even if Arnold's citizenship status wasnt an issue, there's people that would say that the questionable decisions he made while in office would be an issue. what politician HASN'T made questionable decisions? i'd gladly vote for Arnold simply because he's got a hell of alot more political experience than Trump does.

    Reply
  32. Personally I'm glad I voted for Trump because he's handling business well regardless of the silly things he says sometimes. But I've noticed people who don't like him never say anything valid, just spew nonsense like he's racist he rapes women and never provide proof on the table

    Reply
  33. Looking down this list i notice that there are a lot less liberals in america. Thank god for Trump. i guess its working. 2020 landslide for TRUMP coming right up! Lol morons…

    Reply
  34. The $6400 question: Who puts on the week-long prayer breakfast?
    The answer: "The Family". Washington power hiding in plain sight.
    Check out the Netflix documentary and find out who the heck is Doug Coe?
    https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2019/08/240693/who-is-doug-coe-now-fellowship-group-the-family-netflix

    Reply
  35. You all are foolish hacks. This Hollywood host pedo, and many of you in this comment section have no idea what a Christian is. SMH

    Reply

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