Church Hurt: What to Do When You Christians Use, Abuse and Accuse You

Posted By on September 15, 2019


hey guys Jennifer LeClaire here senior
leader at The Awakening House of Prayer I want to share with you something from
my heart and it’s about church hurt you know it seems as if sometimes the the
the the world treats us better than people in the church I mean I know if
you’re watching me the chances are that you’ve been hurt in church I I can tell
you I’ve been way more hurt in the church than I have in the world and and
honestly I lived most of my life outside the church in other words most of my
life I spent not going to church and so the fact that I’ve been hurt more in
church than out of church well that says a lot I I guess you kind of expect
people in the world in your workplace to stab you in the back to to gossip about
you to to be inconsiderate and offensive you kind of expect it so maybe that’s
why right maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem to to sting as bad and when someone
in the world the world you know it hurts you maybe it just doesn’t this doesn’t
have the same effect but in the body of Christ you know we’re supposed to be
brothers and sisters we’re supposed to love one another you know the Bible says
walk ye in love we’re supposed to to be tender-hearted and kind to one another
but so often we act like spoiled brats we act like domineers we act like
anything other than Christ and so church hurts a very very real phenomenon and
you know I wrote a short article on my website a long time ago and you can find
it if you google it it was it was a called overcoming hurt feelings God’s
Way this been one of the most popular articles I ever wrote I mean if you look
at the analytics on my site still it’s up there high why because it’s a real
big problem in the church so so what do you do when you deal with Church hurt
what do you do do you leave the church do you to confront the person do you do
you do lash out of the person that hurts you what’s the right response first of
all we know that Matthew 18 tells us that if your if your brother has
offended you you go to your brother and that ladies that that works for the
sisters too if your sister if somebody offends you you go to that
person you don’t Harbor it in your heart chances are most of the time they did
not mean to hurt you and honestly they have no idea that they hurt you
unfortunately most people are oblivious most people are thinking about therefore
and no more most people are thinking about their own problems and their own
challenges and they’re just insensitive you know the other side of it is is that
you could just be oversensitive maybe you’ve got a little church shirt one too
many times and that never really healed and so it’s like every time you
experience more Church hurt it’s like somebody putting salt in a wound you
know it stings it burns you know but you should go to the person I I I really
really would would encourage you to go to the person now if sometimes you’re
scared to go to the person you feel like maybe they’re just gonna hurt you again
maybe they’re gonna just tell you wow that’s just you you’re just crazy and
just negate what you’re feeling and that can be hurtful as well and so I want to
encourage you that that that it really is better to go to the person rather
than talking to five other people in the church we don’t want to sort of spread
this discord through our local congregations we want to nip it in the
bud many times you know if somebody is hurt over something that might not seem
like a big deal to somebody else but it’s a big deal to you you know and and
here’s the other side of it many times we hurt people that we don’t know it so
I would again urge you go to the person Matthew 18 if you’re offended with your
brother if your brother’s offended you go to your brother go and talk to them
about it and when you do so let me give you some real practical advice when you
do so you want to talk about not what they did but how what they did made you
feel because yes you are responsible for your own emotions but unless you’re
oversensitive you probably had some reason to feel that way and it could be
possible that the person needs to learn some better communication skills but if
you go and attack them well you’re just insensitive and and you just you just
didn’t even say hello to me and and you just you know you know that I don’t like
when you do that it they’re not gonna hear you and you’re not gonna reconcile
and then you’re gonna hurt them because chances are they don’t know that they’re
doing these things and if they do know they’re doing these things well then
you can discern that too if you go to the person the right way I’m gonna be
doing a series on this so I’m not gonna sort of break down the entire ABCD all
the way through Zeon Church hurt but the Holy Spirit really has me focusing on
this part of it today you know there is such a spirit of offense rising in the
body of Christ I mean I’ve been warning about this for years I’ve been warning
about it I think for two or three years strongly but every year it’s just more
and more and more people are getting so easily offended and people are being
increasingly offensive it’s almost as if they didn’t read the scripture walky in
love it’s almost as if they don’t have any revelation of the love of God and
they don’t have any love to pour out on anybody else because they’re not
receiving the love of God there are listen there are all kinds of reasons
why people hurt each other there is just being plain insensitive there is spite
there is just just being inconsiderate which is different than being
insensitive there is a willful retaliation there’s all kinds of reasons
why people hurt each other most of the time people don’t mean to hide yet
listen have you ever gotten really really mad and said something that you
wish you didn’t say you know I hadn’t done that in years
years and you but I remember that that used to be that used to be my my mantra
I was very for I was saved that was very spiteful and I would seek to hurt people
you know why I did that because I was hurting and if somebody hurt me I would
seek to get them to get them back to get even with them because I was hurting and
there could be people in your life and that are so hurt and wounded you know I
learned a long time ago hurting people hurt people it could be possible that
there’s so many people in your life that are so hurt and wounded that they just
you know that it makes them feel better to have the upper hand I know that’s
twisted but the enemy is twisted and he sends twisted vain imaginations to our
soul so it you know I say all that to say that we need to try to look at the
big picture here we need to understand that the enemy is really the source of
all this we do not read the fusion six and twelve we do not wrestle against
flesh and blood but against principalities against powers against
rulers of the darkness and against spiritual wickedness in high places
we’re not really really wrestling with people were
fighting the enemy but the enemy tempts people to behave in unseemly in ungodly
ways the enemy tempts people to make ultimatums the enemy attempts people to
to press your buttons the enemy attempts people to be spiteful and to wound
people to control to manipulate the enemy is the one manipulating their
emotions and so we have to understand all the big picture here we have to also
be willing to walk in someone else’s shoes now listen there is no excuse for
somebody hurting you I’m not trying to justify people hurting people what I’m
saying is it doesn’t get any better and we can’t find healing if we’re always
looking to attack back if we’re always looking for it to take vengeance for
ourselves you know the Bible says God said vengeance is mine I am the Lord I
will repay and so as long as we’re stuck on itself example this hurt me
well this hurt me you noticed I’m hurt yes but as long as you’re self focused
you’ll never get healed the way to get healed from church hurt is to be God
focused and other people focused yes you have to acknowledge your pain but you
want it you know sometimes stepping back and walking in somebody else’s shoes you
know the person that hurts you what if they just came from one of the worst
pieces of news in their life and you just happen to catch them with the wrong
question at the wrong moment what if they just found out their dad died or
that their mom has cancer god forbid and they were a little short with you a
little snarky and maybe they didn’t feel like sharing the bad news with you but
they were a little short with you they were a little they’re a little gruff
with you maybe they just ignores you maybe they didn’t call you back maybe
you’re hurt because your friend didn’t call them you don’t know what they’re
going through that’s motivating them to act like that look it’s not always the
devil sometimes it’s a hurting soul sometimes it’s a shocked soul sometimes
it’s just people that are just and they don’t have a clue they’re not thinking
about you they’re so self-absorbed in their own life in this first segment of
this series that I’m doing I really want you two to really press into going and
talking it out just talk it out you know the person refuses to talk to you then
pray for them but be willing to talk about express how you feel
now there are those let me put them you put this on the other side let’s say
that you’re the one that did the church hurt and maybe you didn’t mean to and
someone comes to you and they say to you look you really hurt my feelings the
other day don’t get defensive because remember you want reconciliation you
don’t want this person walking around hurting and they are not gonna get
healed as long as they’re holding unforgiveness so when they come to you
and they say you you really hurt me you really really hurt me what you want to
do is not get rise up and say what do you mean you want to say well tell me
how you feel what was it that I did what was it that I said what specifically did
I do because I wasn’t trying to hurt you and I want to understand because I want
to I want to apologize I want to make it right I want to I want to you know I
want to fix this and that needs to be your attitude because we are one body we
are the body of Christ any healing many times takes both agents now there are
some times when the person that hurts you is never going to apologize there
are some times when the person you hurt is never going to come to you that’s why
if you notice that there’s something with your brother the Bible says you
know you go to your altar and you know that your brother has ought against you
you’re to leave your gift at the altar and go to the altar and fight and
reconcile you brother why because it’s harmful for them to be in that wounded
state that is when the enemy really attacks is when someone’s wounded the
enemy always kicks us when we’re down so I’m just speaking to you from my heart
today I know there’s so much church hurt and we’re gonna talk more and more about
this actually we’re doing a whole in-depth series at the awakening House
of Prayer in May so I’m studying this I’m gonna provide real solutions I’m
gonna prescribe xual backing I’m gonna share some deep intimate stories from my
own life about things that I’ve been through so that you can really identify
it but for today what I want to leave you with and what I want you to take
away is the reality that number one you need to go to somebody that hurts you
and try to talk to them number two if someone comes to you and talks to you
and says you hurt them you don’t want to be defensive and you must seek
reconciliation because the Bible says to live in peace with all men as far as it
depends on you I want to pray if you just a minute but
I want to invite you to go register now because I’m gonna be doing hours and
hours of teaching on a hop TV is Church Hertz series is prophetic healing
and deliverance series we’re going to get you free from church hurt I’m
priming the pump in these Facebook live videos I am priming the pump with these
short little webinars that I’m doing here I’m priming the pump but we’re
gonna go deep in May and if you’ve been walking around with Church shirt half
your life and never seem to break free there are keys in scripture there are
keys in testimony and I know well I can’t say better than anybody because
I’m sure a lot of you been hurt worse in church than I have but I know what it’s
like to be hurt but listen I also know what it’s like to be healed so I want to
pray for you but go to a hop dot TV and register now for this series is
life-changing you know many people invest you know hundreds of dollars a
month going to psychiatrists psychologists counselors and they never
change this series is going to have an anointing on it that breaks the yoke
because it was God ordained for me to do this I don’t just do series willy-nilly
just because I have a good idea I pursue the heart of the Father and this has
been on my heart and we are going to press in and we’re gonna see people all
around the world get set free I’m telling you I’m declaring it it’s going
to happen amen we’re gonna send you the notes so
that you can study them you’re gonna be able to watch it again and again go to a
hub TV and register let me pray father I thank you for the anointing of
the Spirit of God I thank you Lord for all those watching me who have dialed in
today to watch this video because they still have hope they might be holding on
to hope against hope but they still have hope to get free and I thank you Lord
that’s the anointing that sets them free so Lord begin to prepare their heart for
total deliverance begin to show them the depth of the church hurt begin to help
them to forgive and begin to show them that there is life again there’s
somebody watching me and you you you have any admitted church in years
because of the church sure but God doesn’t want you to be disconnected from
the body which when you get healed he’s gonna bring relationships to you that
are gonna be healthy and strong not toxic listen go to a hub TV I’ll be back
with you soon bless you

Posted by Lewis Heart

This article has 7 comments

  1. What if you’ve been to the person over and over and it’s the same thing?? You’ve prayed on it- even talked to the lead pastors? Nothing has changed.

    Reply
  2. When the pastor is a serious control freak, and a cover racist, and does not listen to you, nor other people who tell him the same things, then it is time to leave. That is what happened to my church, after we got a new guy, and several years later, he started taking away all the ministries until it was all about him. Then the higher ups do not do anything really about it, because they are so far removed from the pastor, and only hear what he tells them. Most people do not go to the higher up. If your pastor is like this, you are going to get crapped on, like I did and others did.

    Reply
  3. Ma’am. I wanted to say that real Christians who have read their bible and truly believe in God do not abuse and accuse and hurt people. Those “Christians” are the self righteous just like the Pharisees which Jesus was not happy with. But I will also tell you that I understand and I have also felt this way at church. But be happy because when the world hates you remember it hated Jesus first. 😊

    Reply
  4. I used to hop from church to church but kept finding the same things. But then I heard Rabbi Moshe Lori say on tv that if there’s something wrong with your church, change it. That’s our job. Exalt the church. Make sure it’s biblical and not worldly.

    Reply

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